However you made it through, it is okay. You are okay. Or you will be okay, if you're not quite there yet.
There is no right way to get through something we could never anticipate or prepare for. Maybe you feel a sense of survivor's guilt. Maybe you're still scared or hypervigilant or quaking from the continued uncertainty or feeling skittish every time you see a person.
Maybe this year took a toll on your body, your mental health, your trust in the universe's benevolence, your relationships, your inner peace, your financial security, your feelings of belonging and safety.
Maybe you used this year to make art, break a bad habit, start a good one, or deepen your intimacy with loved ones. Most likely, you didn't fare quite that well, but if you did, that is okay too.
It is normal for there to be fallout. Backlash can be brutal. But we can make the brutal beautiful, if we face this brush with mortality consciously and use it to ask the hard questions and turn towards the future with eyes and hearts and minds wide open.
Even if you want to, you will not emerge from this cocoon unchanged. Like the caterpillar dissolving into bug soup and spinning the chrysalis, you have changed shape, and you are still transforming. You are different now. The world is different.
Maybe your senses are heightened. You feel grateful for every new sunrise, relishing, with awe, every morning you make it through another night, wiggling your arms and legs and squealing, "I'm alive! I'm alive!" Maybe every scarce bit of human touch electrifies you and sends a zing through you.
Or maybe you can't remember the last time you felt anything but numb. Either way is okay. Shock takes a while to wear off, and this was a big one.